Mood: Cold
Listening to: Forgot my headphones so just hearing the tapping of my keypad..

I... I feel so exhausted now.

I've been skipping school again. Lately, life seems kinda meaningless now. I kinda feel like devoting myself to helping the needy children in Africa or something. So that I'll feel like I've done what's my life's worth of this time on Earth. Hmm.. Something seems wrong with that sentence but I can't figure out what. Pardon me, the airconditioning in Jurong Library is making my brain fizz.

My whole 18 years, I haven't really done anything that I believe is worth living for. All I've done is get into stupid shit with people. And there's a lot of stupid shitty, untrustworthy people in this world. Men especially. I mean, I know not all men are despicable scumbags but the majority of you lot are shitty.

It is here, that if alcohol is not forbidden for me, I would have taken a swing. In fact, I'm feeling a little drunk and disoriented already.

Where was I...? Oh yes, men being shitty, fickle-minded buttheads. You lot just grade a girl by her looks. OOOH bonus, if she can hold a conversation for longer than 20 seconds! What the hell please... How dare you treat people as something 'fun'. To be used and discarded as you wish. To help you pass the time and soothe your stupid piece of male rod. I hate men. And if it isn't a sexual matter, it's ego. Pride. Thinking that only you are right. Never trying to see things from another's point of view. How utterly selfish.

You might not wanna take this all to heart. I am just ranting now because majority of my problems are male-specific (I don't see my girls giving me problems.). Let's just say that I'm not really on favourable terms with the male species now.

Many a times I have felt that life is not really worth living and lacks meaning. Then I realised that I have to give meaning to life myself. So I start making a purpose, something I can work towards in life.

At first, I thought of making other people happy. But then it just feels unfair to myself, putting other's happiness before mine. Then I thought of bettering myself - visually and spirtually. But then again, I felt empty. There wasn't really a point of making myself prettier. Though people started looking more and talking more to me, it made me feel very sad that people look at only the exterior of an individual. As for spiritual enlightenment, I've pretty much strayed from the path of religion. God is merciful and forgiving but then again, I feel ashamed of myself. There should be no redemption for a filthy being like me.

I have no idea what to do pertaining to my future now. I'll just scrape by my exams for now. It's in another 2 weeks and I haven't done a lick of preparation. Yet, I am not worried because I do not put in much value to my education. I live for the day and I'm pretty much satisfied with this.

Alright. Enough of my drunkard babble. I will talk again properly soon. Hopefully.