Mood: Sad
Listening to: Dramatic - Base Ball Bear

Edit: TL;DR. Also, insecure rants.

Oh my god. ...Wait. Let me try that again.
Oh. My. God.

I just had to go around snooping for manga spoilers for Oofuri (I was impatient D: ) and I stumbled upon raws for one of the chapters. Though it was posted February this year, it still was new news (pun lol what) for me.

*SPOILER FOR OOFURI MANGA. But since I bet since no one who visits here really cares..

To cut a long story short, Nishiura lost the match against Bijou (by a huge margin too). And the crying faces, oh god. I felt so bad looking at Nishihiro - his face when they helped him off the field = D':. Mihashi was the last straw though; I started to cry when he cried.










I've been told I'm pretty emotional (I ought to do something about it) and this really just proves it. I'm sure some of you are like "OH MAN, IT'S JUST A COMIC WHY ARE YOU CRYING." but it's not just a comic (to me anyways). I tend to feel what the characters feel and this just made me a crying wreck. Imagine this: you've worked so hard, and your efforts now amount to nothing. Imagine the people whom you've let down. Imagine the broken ambitions and dreams. All of that bundled together and heaped onto your shoulders. Oh god, if that isn't sad, I don't know what is.

Hannah asked me this a few days ago: "Is there anything you are afraid of?". I couldn't really think of anything but I think I can now. The aftermath of failure. Not so much failing; I can speak from experience. But it's what comes after failing. That is truly scary. It's logical to be all "I'LL TRY HARDER NEXT TIME TO AVOID MORE FAILURES." but face it, how many of us actually feel that way? It's more likely that we'll be depressed and dejected. Standing back up takes a lot of effort and bravery.

Coming from me, it's kinda funny since I'm usually "Oh woah. I failed (again). Haha, I'll just try harder next time (again)." But I'm starting to rethink about everything. O Levels specifically. When the stakes are higher, you just can't afford to be that easygoing. I know that if I fail now, I'll be crushed. Part of my brain is already forming a backup plan; it's thinking "I'll just find a job and retake the O Levels should I fail.". But I don't want it to come to that. I'm scared really.

Oh man, I only mean to share the scans and now I'm being all "BAAAAW RAAAANT." on my blog. So sorry for the angst. I'm going to repent by continuing my Maths. Thank god I usually write in pencil so there's no smudged ink stains.

Labels: oofuri, rant, sob