Mood: Discontent
Listening to: Seeker - Star Ocean: The Last Hope (Arrange Soundtrack)

Okay, pertame sekali, banyak ampun kepade korang yang tak boleh bace post ni. Kerane tetibe, terase pulak nak blog dalam Melayu haha. (Macam korang boleh paham pun ayat aku ni haha.) And sorry sikit eh, unlike typing dalam Ingerris, gua tak main bahase baku lah haha.

Mm.. baru-baru ni aku macam terase janggal sikit. Macam ade rase nyesal sume tu. Yelah, tahun ni macam tahun 3B untukku - buat-bende-bodoh. Nyesal pertame, aku gi hancurkan hubungan aku dengan kawan baik aku, A. Macam pikir balik, aku tak tau macamane bole sampai dini lah. Yelah, dulu kemain baik, slalu cakap, bergurau, etc. Skarang, berite satu habuk pun tak dengar. Aku mengaku lah, yang kali kite nak jumpe tapi tak tersampai tu salah aku. Patutnyer aku jangan nak cube selitkan a meeting bile kite dah janji nak jumpe tapi kan aku dah cakap: 3B babe. Skarang pulak ade rindu kat dier sikit tapi aku rase kalau dier nak dengar name aku tanpe meluak rase pun dah kire nasib baik haha...

Okay. Menyedihkan ah pikir pasal ni.

Kalau boleh, aku nak berbual ngan dier. Macam REALLY berbual. Aku nak bilang dier pasal budak tu ngan ape yang aku telah buat selame ni. Okay lah, secare terus-terang, aku menyesal. Walaupun bukan aku yang mulekan hubungan ni, aku ade jugak peranan orait. Dan walaupun aku sedar yang aku mungkin terluke, aku teruskan je. Macam aku pernah cakap; aku sedih takpe, asal orang lain happy aku okay je. Pikir balek, aku ni bengap ke hape seh? Orang hidup untuk diri sendiri kan? Yang aku pentingkan orang lain ni kenape?

Aku rase diri aku ni macam disalahfahami orang lain. Aku inginkan orang yang benar-benar tahu aku DAN boleh terime aku. Skarang ni, semua orang kenalkan aku dengan perkataan 'cute'. Aku macam nak jerit, "BUKAN TIDAK DAN NEHI. TU SUME LAKONAN SEMATE-MATE." Penat tahu, asyik act je. Macam life ni pentas permanent pulak.

Orait ah, setakat ni je aku berbebel. Esok ade CA kat polyclinic abeh lepas tu kene ciao gi kerje. Aihz... ni lah hidup seorang Haz. (:


.... That was awkward haha.

Labels: irl, rant

Mood: Weird
Listening to: I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred Oh god someone anyone please give me another song to listen to.

It's my off day today and for once, I wished it wasn't.

These days, I have been very... weird, to say the least. I'm always staring off. You might say I'm unfocused. I'd be in the shop and Rose will tell me to clean up the gondola and after nodding and dragging down a pail of water from the storage floor, I'll be going up to her and asking what it was she wanted me to do again.

Or I'll be in the bus, just listening to my Lestat the Musical soundtrack while staring out the window, going "Oh look, a tree. Oh look, a red car. Oh look, Funan the IT Mall. Oh look- WAIT THAT WAS MY STOP."

I can't put my finger on it but something seems to be out of place with me. My appetite is going haywire; sometimes practically non-existent while at other times, unsatisfiable . I get... mood swings, as one would call it. I'm always gazing distantly at something. ALWAYS. And I've been told twice that I'm pale. This is not healthy.

My colleagues came up with the explanation that I am in love, and my brain could not function normally because of my uncontrolled emotions. Sounds plausible and all but the thing is that I'm not in love. Unless you're refering to my fondness of splurging but some would call that an uncontrollable obsession with shopping.

This morning, I woke up to have a shower and breakfast (a bowl of noodle soup and some fried rice with egg) before plopping down on my bed to read Memnoch the Devil. I gave up after two chapters despite the rather interesting storyline. Here, let me read it out to you:

"I'm going to stay with you," he said. "Do you have any rooms here?"
"Nothing proper. Find something for us. Find it close to... close to the cathedral."
"Why?"
"Well, David, you should know why. If the Devil starts chasing me down Fifth Avenue, I'll just run into St. Patrick's and run to the High Altar and fall on my knees before the Blessed Sacrement and beg God to forgive me, not to sink me into the river of fire up to my eyes."
"You are on the verge of being truly mad."
"No, not at all. Look at me. I can tie my shoelaces. See? And my tie. Takes some care, you know, to get it all around your neck and into your shirt and so forth, and not to look like a lunatic with a big scarf around your neck. I'm together, as mortals so bluntly state it. Can you find us some rooms?"

I will stop here for fear of boring you but let me just say that this exchange has yet to fail in making me amused.

Lost on what to do next, I took out my box of facial masks and proceeded to cleanse my face with a self-sauna mask. And after that, I drummed and stretched my vocal chords on Rockband, only to realise that I wasn't having any fun so damn the game, I switched it off and switched on the computer.

Only to realise that there was nothing that I wanted to use the computer for. Nobody who I really wanted to chat to. I wasn't in the mood to prowl livejournal communities pertaining to my interests and all those random activities that would keep me attached to the computer for hours. I contemplated watching a movie but my heart's not really into it.

Oh god, it's hot. Let me switch on the fan. Ah, that's better. No one's at home to screech at me for my wastage of precious electricity, just so you know.

Where was I? Yes, yes, I have no idea what to do with the remaining 5 hours of today before I tuck myself in for an early sleep. I suppose I could go to sleep now but mon dieu, what would I do in the wee hours of the day then!

Oh god, shut up. Have you lost your mind, woman! Stop ranting. Ranting is not going to do anything about it. In fact, nothing seems to be effectiv- JUST SHUT UP, HAZRINA.

Labels: random, rant

Mood: Morose
Listening to: I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage

I'm kinda... pissy today, haha. I know it's not really good to be posting all "RAWR RAAANT." after not updating for quite some time but I've had a really horrible day and I can't help it.

(To put it simply) Horrible occurrences of the day:

#1: Stomache. Real horrid one too. I was late leaving the house for work because of it.
#2: Since I was late, I took the train. Oh god, cramped like sardines. Plus, I have the suspicion that some of the commuters did not bathe. Ew.
#3: Felt sick throughout my shift. 'Nuff said.
#4: My till was not balanced and I had to pay the shortage out of my own pocket. I am not entirely sure if it's my fault since we pretty much just use each others' tills but since my account was logged on, it was my responsibility.
#5: I got lost on the way to Bukit Merah's library. Imagine me, all sick and lethargic, shuffling about the whole of Bukit Merah Town Center. Ayup.
#6: I found out I have a $3 fine for overdue books.
#7: I took the wrong bus home and ended in the middle of nowhere.
#8: I went trekking. You know those steep hills all over SGH? Yeah, I conquered them all to go to the 190 bus stop.

My off day is tomorrow so I'll update about prom and other positive stuff then. A good night's sleep should fix me up. Hopefully.



... I feel so... upset.

Labels: irl, phail, rant, work

Mood: Sad
Listening to: Dramatic - Base Ball Bear

Edit: TL;DR. Also, insecure rants.

Oh my god. ...Wait. Let me try that again.
Oh. My. God.

I just had to go around snooping for manga spoilers for Oofuri (I was impatient D: ) and I stumbled upon raws for one of the chapters. Though it was posted February this year, it still was new news (pun lol what) for me.

*SPOILER FOR OOFURI MANGA. But since I bet since no one who visits here really cares..

To cut a long story short, Nishiura lost the match against Bijou (by a huge margin too). And the crying faces, oh god. I felt so bad looking at Nishihiro - his face when they helped him off the field = D':. Mihashi was the last straw though; I started to cry when he cried.










I've been told I'm pretty emotional (I ought to do something about it) and this really just proves it. I'm sure some of you are like "OH MAN, IT'S JUST A COMIC WHY ARE YOU CRYING." but it's not just a comic (to me anyways). I tend to feel what the characters feel and this just made me a crying wreck. Imagine this: you've worked so hard, and your efforts now amount to nothing. Imagine the people whom you've let down. Imagine the broken ambitions and dreams. All of that bundled together and heaped onto your shoulders. Oh god, if that isn't sad, I don't know what is.

Hannah asked me this a few days ago: "Is there anything you are afraid of?". I couldn't really think of anything but I think I can now. The aftermath of failure. Not so much failing; I can speak from experience. But it's what comes after failing. That is truly scary. It's logical to be all "I'LL TRY HARDER NEXT TIME TO AVOID MORE FAILURES." but face it, how many of us actually feel that way? It's more likely that we'll be depressed and dejected. Standing back up takes a lot of effort and bravery.

Coming from me, it's kinda funny since I'm usually "Oh woah. I failed (again). Haha, I'll just try harder next time (again)." But I'm starting to rethink about everything. O Levels specifically. When the stakes are higher, you just can't afford to be that easygoing. I know that if I fail now, I'll be crushed. Part of my brain is already forming a backup plan; it's thinking "I'll just find a job and retake the O Levels should I fail.". But I don't want it to come to that. I'm scared really.

Oh man, I only mean to share the scans and now I'm being all "BAAAAW RAAAANT." on my blog. So sorry for the angst. I'm going to repent by continuing my Maths. Thank god I usually write in pencil so there's no smudged ink stains.

Labels: oofuri, rant, sob

Mood: Weird
Listening to: Last Cross - Hitman Reborn 5th Op

24 hours a day isn't that long a time. Seriously. You spend 8 hours sleeping so that's 1/4 of the time gone. And then there's eating (3 meals a day? exclusive of snacking) which would deduct at least 2 hours. Then there's lazing about time (DON'T DENY IT SLACKERS.) which would occupy say, 2 hours a day too? And don't get me started on the internet - once you're hooked, say goodbye to at least 3 hours. So you're left with 9 hours.

With less than half a day left everyday, you can really afford to waste that precious "you-time", right? And this is why, ladies and gentlemen, I am against pissing.

That's right, pissing. Aka answering the call of nature, going for a tinkle, relieving yourself, yadda yadda.

Trips to the toilet results in unnecessary time wastage! You spend 5 minutes (or more) relieving yourself, and then some more time washing your hands (please say you do) and then you end up checking how you look in the mirror, which leads to you redoing your hair or whatnot and when you realise it, 20 minutes (or more) has passed.

And say this ritual takes place 5 times a day. That's almost TWO WHOLE HOURS wasted!

So mom, please don't ask me why I have infrequent toilet trips.

Labels: irl, rant

Mood: Bitchy
Listening to: Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl

I went shopping with my family tonight (well, it's 2.32am now; 'last night' would be more accurate). Was initially happy that we're going out as a family since we don't get to do it often but I should have known better. Our family outings are nothing pretty; this one's no exception. Oda thinks I'm petty, Mommy thinks I'm temperamental. Nothing new, ho-hum.

I hate being thought of as childish and immature for the wrong reasons. I do know that I'm childish and immature though, so there.


...Ignore this rant. I'm probably pms-ing. On a more interesting note: I had a dream involving Yama and The Best Male Specimen this morning. Honestly, it's a 9.5 on the WTF-scale though it was kinda sweet. I suppose.

On a more serious note, I think I'm sick. My weight has been at a constant of 40kg for almost a month despite large meals. Hopefully this will change once fasting period is over. Meh.

I can't sleep. I'm off to do work.

*waves*

Also: Updated sections in the sidebar (eg. archive, icon, bgm). How productive.

Labels: irl, rant

Mood: Rushed. Overwhelmed. Busy. Auuugh.
(Still) Listening to: Dramatic - Base Ball Bear

Haha, I'm so stressed. (:

List of things to be done:
- HMT (Compo/PaperII/Compre)
- Biology (Set worksheet)
- Mathematics (North Vista PaperII)
- Madrasah SIX-PAGE Essay --> TO BE HANDED IT IN 2 DAYS TIME GASFASDFAS

Someone, just kill me already. D:
____________________

MASSIVE PICSPAM BWAHAHAHA


Found this (really blurry, haha) picture of me and guenyik at last year's EOY.
... Initially, I was filled with this warm fuzzy feeling when looking at this photo.
Now, I just feel like headesk-ing myself thinking about the progress of this year's EOY.
*stress*


TEEHEEHEE.
Obligatory pic spam of my new Reborn merchandise.
...*fangirls*


I couldn't believe the price. It's cheaper than the other doujins I got. o_o
*dies thinking of the 8059BOX*
Doujins are like pringles; once you pop, you just can't stop! XD


DERA-CHAN. I FEEL YOUR PAIN. JUST LOOKING LIKE THAT. D:


Me being retarded at the zoo, haha.
Picture taken last year. Last year retarded, this year STILL retarded. XD


Oda joins me in my "retardation", lol. :P

END OF PICSPAM

Edit: This post holds the record for the longest tag list ever. XD

Labels: 8059, Cosplay, doujinshi, EOY, lulz, rant, school

Mood: Productive
Listening to: Cute Is What We Aim For - Marriage to Millions

Well, the famiglia has went to McDonald's for a study session. Would love to join them but it's best if I stay away from food outlets during this one month - people would stare. XD

So uhm. New header image~! Since I sorta realised my blog was crammed with Yamamoto... Haha... ^^;

Rant on Praises

So I was actually doing my HMT homework and there was this passage. I'll loosely translate it for you guys:

If you're honest, you would admit how enjoyable it is to be praised. Most of us would be flooded with a sense of assurance when someone says that we are pretty, clever, capable and many more.

This. It's trufax.

And now looking back at praises; most of the praises given are either given because we're visually appealing, intellectually able, and physically apt. What ever happened to praises on other little things that most people dismiss so easily - such as gestures of kindness?

And -

....
....
....

HOMFG THE 8059 BOX ARRIVED ILU SINGPOST.

BRB. FANGASMING.

Labels: rant, reborn, YAY

Mood: Impressed
Listening to: The rain pattering on my window *attempt at being poetic*

Firstly, The Godfather is sick, man. It's awesome shit.
Oda would fit perfectly as Vito Corleone. Trufax.

It's been a long time since I've watched a movie and the fact that this one is a GREAT one is all the more better. The movie got me thinking about many things and some scenes were very moving. I teared up at the part where the Don was looking at Sonny's body with this small sad smile on his face, as though he was torn between laughing and crying. And shock factor was plentiful as well (how they dealt with Carlo? Keysmash-worthy.) The scene with the horse's head? Deliciously shocking.

I have a feeling all of you might think I'm sadistic now. XD

Tempted to watch the next movie but a 6-hour movie marathon might be pushing it. Ah~ popcorn would really hit the spot now. <3

That aside, I can't believe fasting starts tomorrow. MY DOUJIN HASN'T ARRIVED YET IF IT ARRIVES DURING THE FASTING MONTH I'M GONNA HAVE TO STRANGLE SOMETHING.

Labels: irl, rant

Mood: Tired
Listening to: T.M.Revolution - Sandome

Been a while since I updated. Figured I shouldn't spam my updates so much lest I overuse my mood themes. XD

Uh, conversational topic of the day? Um. Being mean.

Really, I'm a very bitchy person. It's really visible when you observe me (not that you should; I doubt it's fun). From my everyday ranting to the sarcastic "WHY THANK YOU DEAR." that I snarled to the ditz who bumped hard into my bag, the bitchiness is ever-present. Occasionally, I'll feel bad about my bitching and then I'll sit down somewhere and calmly analyze the Cause of Bitchiness (COB for short, haha) and try to think of methods to solve it. Like now.

Right now, I'm telling myself that I should accept people as they are (no matter how annoying or pesky or irritating they are...) since they do that for me. And I'm no little miss perfect myself. Below is the list of my... issues... that I've come up with:

- NOT punctual most of the time
- lethargic
- indecisive
- ELITIST >_>
- dense (sometimes)
- chatterbox
- i can go on and on and on and on...
- insensitive (? am I really? No, srsly.)
- noise-pollutant
- vulgar

You guys know what? I'm gonna let you guys help me (auugh that sounds like it's an HONOR to help me; I need to work on my wording as well). Here's how:

Post anonymously at my tagboard about things you dislike about me.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR GAIS~? THIS IS A CHANCE TO FINALLY TELL ME TO MY FACE (kinda) WHAT YOU EVER WANTED TO SAY TO ME BUT NEVER DARED TO (for fear I might wipe the floor with your ass).

*coughs* Think of it as constructive criticism. I'll take each and every feedback in a bid to make myself a better person. *nods nods*

______________


Um. Life has been pretty uneventful. I'm trying to- working hard in school. I'm slower so I'd have to put in double the effort of others. D: And prelims are very fast approaching too. *cringes* So pardon the lack of/ occasionally long updates.

On another note, I found out that going to the toilet less is a good way to gain weight. I shit you not; I weighed 45kg (RECORD. :D) before I went to the washroom. Afterwards, my weight went down to 43.5kg (bleah, normal weight). I don't know whether to laugh or cry, haha.

My joints ache. D:



/Edit: Woah, this is kinda like a srs business post, haha.

/Further edit: I am the #1 mood killer. Title awarded due to how I end my posts with the weirdest crap ever.

Labels: irl, pain, rant

Mood: Jealous
Listening to: Vocaloid - Black Rock Shooter

I was putting on make-up today (going to this wedding of a friend of mom's) when my brother went into the room and went, "HOMG artificial beauty~!".

There's no point putting on make-up really coz Nobunaga Oda came along. I wonder if I will ever get married with him glaring at any guy daring to come within a meter radius of me. *sighs*

I like make-up. It hides all the imperfections on my face and everything so why not? Don't get me wrong; I don't hate my face (On the contrary, I'm rather grateful with how I look. ...Except the weight factor.). But somewhere along the lines, I think I've gotten too attached to cosmetics, to the point of feeling rather insecure without it. It makes me feel pathetic really. D:

I pray to god I won't end up like one of our school teachers. I think you should know who.

HINT: BARBIE DOLL

And then I saw an old neighbor of mine (note:old in a sense of former, not aged) and boy, the little green monster in me flared up. She was SO PRETTY; fair skin, shining eyes, cute voice, the works. I felt so envious, still do now in fact.

I'm so shallow. D:

+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+

On a more cheerful note, I found like a SHITLOADOF8059DOUJINS some entertaining pieces of literature. I'll go spend some time fangirling frothing giggling examining them later.

Labels: irl, rant