Mood: Pleased
Listening: Jujur (Honest) - Radja

Mmm. Malay songs are kinda nice to listen to sometimes. *ho hum*, Though just like English songs, a whole chunk of it revolves around love. *laughs*

Initially, I wanted to blog about yesterday but euh... I kinda like fell asleep on my laptop. OTL I've been falling asleep easily these days; my body must be catching back up on that sleep debt. :/

So yesterday, I was like ON A ROLL. Went to work in the morning (where else do I go?? Watson is my second home already I swear D: ) and guess how much my till racked up when I left at 2? It was like a freaking thousand three! I usually have trouble reaching a thousand when I work till 5. And my till wasn't short of cash! 8D I've been losing money at the till lately so this was some really good news for me~! ((((:

I usually work in the mornings till 5 (except today coz Thomas is off so I'm reporting in at 1) but the reason that I left early yesterday was coz I wanted to go back to Bethany. I had took pics with some of the folks there and I went to develop a copy for them. I had just intended to stay and chat a bit but I kinda came in at their dinner time (CAN YOU IMAGINE HAVING DINNER AT 4??) so I ended up helping feed some of them and clearing the tables. At that time... I don't know, I felt really.. good. It was different from my clinical attachment period because at that time, I was bound there by duty but when you're voluntarily helping out... It feels so different. It's indescribable really - the feeling of feeling good when doing good. (:

So I met up with Shang after that and we trooped to my house to unpack my wigs. MIHASHI IS TOO SHORT (actually it wasn't; it looked fine on my styrofoam head. darn my big hair OTL) and Japan-san was pretty much perfect. I went out into the living room with it on and my brother flipped. XD One more thing: WHY DO I LOOK LIKE SUCH A BUTCH WITH SHORT WIGS. OTL I also tried on Lulu with my Leon costume and Shang kept fangirling. God I was so embarrassed. It's gonna be scary if I mess up Leon since his fanbase in Singapore is HUGE. ;A;

Um. That's about it for yesterday. And before you ask, no, I haven't done a single speck of work. I am so screwed. OTL

Mood: Touched
Listening: First Love - Utada Hikaru

OH GOD THERE ARE GOOD PEOPLE LEFT IN THIS WORLD.

*coughs* Well, it's a long story. See, I was waiting for the bus to work today and after two 188s zoom past me (they were like sardined-canned with people), I decided to take a cab. So I hailed this cab and guess what? It halted only to pick up the guy behind me. FFFFF-

But anyways, I got a cab shortly after that and it was this friendly old Chinese man. I usually refrain from talking with taxi drivers (because they YAK AND YAK and they drive slower and the meter rises higher- you get the point) but this guy was being really friendly so I didn't mind. It felt good to talk with someone. We talked about traffic and young love and generation gaps and careers. He kept saying how I seemed so decent and he was trying to like sell his son to me HAHA. But anyways, we were approaching my workplace (and he did drive slower, the meter was like $4+ more than usual) when I realised that...

I DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH CASH ON ME.

FFFFF- I was like all OH NOES CRAP. I only had five bucks with me and please, the fare was around $20 (damn you ERP!). I was starting to get really shit scared and I asked him if he could just wait a while in the taxi stand while I run to Watsons and beg my manager for cash but he went all...

"Nevermind. It's okay." (:

And I went all "WHAT. NO. NO IT'S NOT. YOU MUSN'T BE SO TRUSTING, UNCLE." but he kept insisting it was fine and that I was late (I was actually OTL) and I should just go in for work but I went "GIMME YOUR NUMBER I WILL CONTACT YOU AGAIN AND PAY YOU OKAY." And he laughed and he did. I had only five bucks on me left so I gave that to him too, despite his insistence that he didn't want it (I shoved it in his breastpocket).

Bottom line is: GOOD PEOPLE STILL EXISTS IN THIS WORLD. (: God is so great, I swear.


PS: AAAH I HAVE THIS EXTREEEEMEEEE STOMACHE AND I KEEP MAKING FREQUENT TRIPS TO THE TOILET AND WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP INSISTING ON MAKING ME LAUGH WHEN IT HUUUURTS DAMN YOU GUYS.

ALSO. AAAAAAAH ANOTHER TWO WEEKS TO ME DOING LEON AND JAPAN-SAAAAAN AND I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING AHHHH GOD HELP ME. OTL

... WHY AM I WORRYING ABOUT MUNDANE STUFF WHEN MY HOMEWORK IS STILL A MOUNTAIN SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME.

Mood: Rejuvenated
Listening to: Popstar - Ken Hirai

EUH MAH GAWD. I just got back from joggiiiing~~
My calves are hurting like WOAH. But it felt kinda good. (:

So like yesterday, Is smsed me and we just chatted a bit. I mentioned that my body kept aching and maybe I should go out and jog and exercise or something. So he asked where to? And I went like euh... anywhere? And then he went like how about one round about CCK? And I went like ONE RO- urghhhh okay? And then yeah.

WE RAN LIKE FROM KEAT HONG TO SUNSHINE PLAZA THEN BEHIND THE BLOCKS NEAR OUR SCHOOL ALL THE WAY TO NEAR BUKIT BATOK DRIVING CENTER AND THEN BACK TO KEAT HONG OH GOD SO FAR CAN. And the longest I have ever ran before this was my 2.4 during secondary school. OTL

But it felt good. And we managed to talk and catch up on stuff. He still looks the same from all the years back and he is STILL ridiculously tall. And though he stutters lesser now, he still maintained his innocence. Like seriously; he gave me two pushes on the swing (... WHAT. My inner child demanded immediate gratification.) and stopped because he said he felt wrong touching me. It was just my baaaack. And when we were walking, he maintained this like distance between me and him (seriously, we could have fitted another average-sized person between us). And then he was a little nervous walking with me to Teck Whye coz nosy aunties might spot him and tell his parents and he didn't want them to be talked about. WRY SO SWEET. He makes me feel like an utter devil honestly. ):

ALSO. HE SAID I CHANGED. INTO A MINAH. A LITTLE. Like wtfffff- seriously. He is not the only person to have said that recently. At least Is wasn't that bad - he said the way I talk makes me seem minah-ish. Shu Ying said that when she first saw me she thought me a minah too. She said it was my eyes and the way my face is. Like I can change my face - I've been LIVING WITH IT for 18 years FFFFF-

But I told my mom later on though that I went out with a guy. She knew I went jogging but not with a male (sexist parents haha). She was surprisingly all chillax about it. Most probably because of how I described Is. Mommy is so coolios nao. (:

Going to rest a bit and get ready for work. Aiiieeee. I have work tomorrow as well... OTL


... It's like I'm starting to finally find my 'system restore' key. (:

Mood: Hopeful
Listening to: Jump - Madonna

Okay, I've spent enough time doing stupid stuff this whole year. TIME TO S.U.M.O (Shut up, move on)! Gonna put my life in the correct gear again.

List of things I'm planning to do this two weeks of break:
- finish my homework/ projects (no duuuh.)
- work on Japan-san's sword
- go back to Bethany's for a visit
- go back to Yishun Eldercare to return the pen I accidentally took OTL
- be brave enough to buy a bubble blower (FFFFF- I'll look so utterly childish D: )
- watch a movie
- go jogging on alternate days
- buy one of those cool lighters that lit up just by pressing down the switch.. thingum (awful explanation i know... OTL)
- clean my room
- gain 5kg
- play badminton (oh god i miss this like BURNING)
- get my specs fixed
- do some baking
- develop a proffessional working attitude (which means no hooting in my nurse uni D: )
- go shopping
- be an overall nice person to people (not so hard. right?)

... and that's about it. (:

Mood: Annoyed
Listening to: Meadowtronic - We Love Katamari OST

Oh go get rid of that guilt, you weakling.
It's not like you were thinking of the consequences when you were literally over me.
If you're gonna be such a pussy now, you shouldn't have let your dick do the thinking okay.
So stop being a woman brooding and get over it.

Guys. When you want them to commit, they can't. And when you're going along with no strings attached, they go batshit crazy and become paranoid.
Typical.

Mood: Calm
Listening to : Travelling - Utada Hikaru

You can never know what's gonna happen from the moment you woke up.

My five minute nap last night lasted till 5am, haha. Guess that's what you get for depriving your body of sleep. And though I got ready early, I still went out of the house late. On a whim, I decided to take a cab to Yishun for my CA. Fate seemed to have put me on the right track though, since I started to cry in the cab but that's a different story.

And then there was CA. God, I never knew old people can be so cute. I helped a granny color a drawing. In a way, they're like kids. Really, really cute. Then there was a granny who was trying to matchmake me and Firdaus. We laughed uncomfortably. Cute, but not nice. Typical of people to match others into couples base on race.

...It's times like these that you really wished that you'd knew how many people (and who exactly) reads your blog so you know the extent of explicitness you should write about. Well, I'll just be vague then.

-Edited out after a cold shower to clear my head.-

I ended up going to work late coz of this. So late that they asked me to just go home when I was halfway there. Which was what I did. So made of fails can. I definitely cannot afford to be late tomorrow, make-out session or not.

...God, I need to shower. Like, right about now.

Mood: Drained
Listening to: Battery - Metallica

I remembered a friend of mine once survived four days without sleep (for whatever insane reason, I forgot). It makes me wonder how that was humanly possible; I'm dying here.

I have been surviving on black tea and biscuits. I can't seem to keep things in my stomach. And when I went through the fever scanning machines they detected high temperatures in me but the thermometer stated I was 36.4 oC. I hope I'm not falling ill. This would be troublesome; I have work for every day of the week. Except today. Rose was damn nice to let me off work today.

Coping with CA well so far. Met up with Sarah after my CA today and we went Bugis. God, that girl can shop. She bought 3 pairs of shoes totalling up to a hundred bucks. Or more. ... It should be more. Unless you didn't count the thirty I paid, for this gorgeous pair of white ribbon shoes. I am envious woman~! GSS much? At her insistence, I got myself a dainty pink dress with a white bolero and a dark fuschia halter vest. It feels awkward to buy things that I've never bought before. And I'm not even going out during my holidays since everybody else I know starts their CA in the second week. And I can't possibly go wreck shit with Hazel and Hannah in a dress when they come back. Oh well, according to her, it's supposed to make me feel better. Retail therapy it's called.

... I feel very monotone and tired. I'll try to have nap now. Everyone's out so I'm alone at home. It's been a while since I've slept on the floor (super cold and super nice) so I'm gonna do just that. Adios.

I find myself updating a lot ever since I got Mitchy. That's the name I gave my beloved ASUS EEE PC. Oh god, mommy loves you, yes she does. You just continue playing that song list that mommy compiled as she lies down on the floor for a... quick... nap.......

Also: My brother is a cute dork. When he asked what I was doing and I replied I was enjoying my new notebook, he actually went 'OOOWOW SUGOII DESHO!!!!". That bumbling fool just knows how to make me laugh. I guess it's his own way of cheering me up. ... God I need to keep my smile from overturning into my permanent frown.

Mood: Crushed
Listening to: Float On - Modest Mouse


It's now 5:03AM and I haven't slept in the last 23 hours.


I do feel a litte tired but that's just from all the crying earlier. And god, my contacts sure sting. I'll go get my glasses repaired soon. It just feels more comfortable since I'm already used to it.


I'm not a person who had much of a need for things to myself. It's not that I deprive myself but I'm just the sort of person who goes "Oh well." and continue on my way. I don't care much. But then I started to think that "I want it. I want this." and this scares me. I can't remember wanting something this bad. Being with the one I like makes me so happy that I can't stand it. But I can't help thinking that I'm the only one who thinks this way; that our happiness together won't last.The more I fall for you, the more I think I'm the only one who really wants this relationship. Was I a substitute? Was I wrong to think that you might have actually cared for me?


And then the happiness that I felt started to get accompanied by this painful feeling. At first, it was easy to ignore it coz I thought I could accept the fact that it was inevitable our relationship would end someday. I mean, it was doomed right from the start haha. But today seemed to have proved me wrong. I didn't accept it graciously like I thought I could. I was just so afraid of the pain that-


You know what happened anyways. I'm not even sure if you'll be reading this. I just wanna say thank you, for everything. I kept apologising and though you said it was okay - that it wasn't my fault - it's not. I was prepared for it to end but I forgot about how you would feel. In a way, I was actually... afraid. That you'll feel nothing at all. Was I wrong to have hoped that way? I didn't want you hurt. If I knew, I would have...


Just so you know, I don't hate you. It would have been easier on me if I did. But I can't. It took me a long while but I can finally give you the answer to the question you've once asked me. I do like you. But if my emotions are a bother for you, I'll get rid of it. I like you enough for me to help you be happy at the expense of myself. But that doesn't matter now right. In fact, you shouldn't care about me at all now. You should go back to waiting and I should go back to nothing. It'd was going to be like this sooner or later anyways.


If you're wondering, I don't regret that second chance. But this time, it seems different. A bit more hurting. The kid has finally gotten attached to the new toy, only to have it taken away. I'm just wondering how much longer will the pain go on and how much more do I have to cry till it goes away.


I promised you I wouldn't cry but I keep breaking that promise. I'm sorry.

Mood: Discontent
Listening to: Seeker - Star Ocean: The Last Hope (Arrange Soundtrack)

Okay, pertame sekali, banyak ampun kepade korang yang tak boleh bace post ni. Kerane tetibe, terase pulak nak blog dalam Melayu haha. (Macam korang boleh paham pun ayat aku ni haha.) And sorry sikit eh, unlike typing dalam Ingerris, gua tak main bahase baku lah haha.

Mm.. baru-baru ni aku macam terase janggal sikit. Macam ade rase nyesal sume tu. Yelah, tahun ni macam tahun 3B untukku - buat-bende-bodoh. Nyesal pertame, aku gi hancurkan hubungan aku dengan kawan baik aku, A. Macam pikir balik, aku tak tau macamane bole sampai dini lah. Yelah, dulu kemain baik, slalu cakap, bergurau, etc. Skarang, berite satu habuk pun tak dengar. Aku mengaku lah, yang kali kite nak jumpe tapi tak tersampai tu salah aku. Patutnyer aku jangan nak cube selitkan a meeting bile kite dah janji nak jumpe tapi kan aku dah cakap: 3B babe. Skarang pulak ade rindu kat dier sikit tapi aku rase kalau dier nak dengar name aku tanpe meluak rase pun dah kire nasib baik haha...

Okay. Menyedihkan ah pikir pasal ni.

Kalau boleh, aku nak berbual ngan dier. Macam REALLY berbual. Aku nak bilang dier pasal budak tu ngan ape yang aku telah buat selame ni. Okay lah, secare terus-terang, aku menyesal. Walaupun bukan aku yang mulekan hubungan ni, aku ade jugak peranan orait. Dan walaupun aku sedar yang aku mungkin terluke, aku teruskan je. Macam aku pernah cakap; aku sedih takpe, asal orang lain happy aku okay je. Pikir balek, aku ni bengap ke hape seh? Orang hidup untuk diri sendiri kan? Yang aku pentingkan orang lain ni kenape?

Aku rase diri aku ni macam disalahfahami orang lain. Aku inginkan orang yang benar-benar tahu aku DAN boleh terime aku. Skarang ni, semua orang kenalkan aku dengan perkataan 'cute'. Aku macam nak jerit, "BUKAN TIDAK DAN NEHI. TU SUME LAKONAN SEMATE-MATE." Penat tahu, asyik act je. Macam life ni pentas permanent pulak.

Orait ah, setakat ni je aku berbebel. Esok ade CA kat polyclinic abeh lepas tu kene ciao gi kerje. Aihz... ni lah hidup seorang Haz. (:


.... That was awkward haha.

Labels: irl, rant

Mood: Calm
Listening to: Moan - Cute is What We Aim For

Qn: OMGOMG HAHA GUESS WHAT I'M DOING NOOOW???
Ans: Gossiping about boys with the whole Famiglia (particularly, one in Hazel's Aussie life) 8D

It feels so good to be able to catch up on each other's lives, I feel like I'm gonna cry. ... Actually, no. I'm too busy just laughing and smiling. It's been so long since I feel so... happy. And we aren't even having philosophical debates; we're just talking about boys and love and how some guys are trashtrashtrash and marriage and lame jokes and being nuns and NOT being good nuns and parents and hips and-

Well, we did a lot of catching up. (:

__________________


Sometimes, I analyze myself and conclude that I need to grow up. I'm so childish and I lack real life goal and dreams. Currently, I've set a target for myself. I call it 'The Australian Dream"; I planned to get into a uni in Aussie and join Hazel there. Setting goals based on the spur of the moment and such has always worked for me but 'fess it, I'm not a kid anymore. I need to evaluate seriously every single consequence of my actions. I need to take initiative and start making my own decisions.

My whole life, I hated making decisions. I always know what I don't want to do but not what I want. It's like, I'm not even sure if I'll be happy with the decisions I made so why not let somebody else decide, and make that someone happy? As long as there's someone who's happy, I'll feel happy along with that person so all is well. Right?

Sometimes, I feel envious that other people feel happy and not me. Then I realised it's my decision and I try to convince myself that I'm okay. It's so much harder though.

I sometimes wonder if anyone ever got honestly irritated at my indecisiveness.

___________________


I had a talk with my sister-in-law just now about guys and I realised that I probably missed out a whole lotta good guys in my life. And then I start wondering why don't I feel more concerned? I mean, I wish for all those girlish crap girls do: to be happily married, have children, have a loving husband who I don't mind slaving over cookbooks and preparing dinner for. So why do I not feel anxious that I may be left on the shelf?

In a way, I kind of think I don't deserve to be happy. Someone like me can never make anyone happy. So.. karma right? It's just deserving of me to not be happy then.

In a way, I'm no better than a piece of furniture. Let me be used. Let me please then. It'll make me feel that I'm worth something.

___________________


OKAY GUYS. BIG QUESTION. MANE AND TAIL, OR LOREAL ELSEVE? THE FATE OF MY HAIR DEPENDS ON YOU GUYS.

___________________


God. I'm one unstable mofo. All this was churned out in one go. o_o

Labels: famiglia, irl, musings

Mood: Loved
Listening to: Smooth Criminal - Alien Ant Farm

Today, Sarah sweetie actually dropped by my workplace just as I was finishing just so we could spend some time together.

I feel so utterly touched. Though I'm always up to stupid shit and worrying her, she has never once given up on me. She cares for me when I don't care about myself. My moral compass, my petite cherie. You mean so much to me. Really. Sometimes, I wonder what I've done to deserve such a friend like you.

We went to MacDonald after that because yours truly had a craving for dessert. I bought myself a McFlurry and a iced milo for Sarah. And would you believe that Sarah just totally dripped a good deal of the drink on herself as soon as she grabbed the cup? I couldn't stop laughing really. And then the cashier dude offered her tissues. Oh god, so nice of him. Sarah was gushing about his chivalry. (:

??: ! Ah, are you okay? *hands some tissues*
Me: *laughing a bit* Saraaaah~ Go wash it off before it sticks.
??: There's a sink over there - at the top of the stairs.
Sarah: OKAY. O: *skips up stairs*

So I was there, awkwardly handling my change, ice cream and milo all in one and the guy started talking to me.

??: So... name?
Me: Hmm? My friend?
??: *laughs* No, I mean you.
Me: EH ME? *insert Mihashi face* Uh uhm. Hazrina.
??: Haz... rina?
Me: Yeah.
??: *grins and shows his nametag: Hazli*
Me: That makes us two Hazs then! *grins back*

And then Sarah returned and as I was going to leave, he actually kinda leaned out of the counter and tried to continue the convo.

Hazli: Going home now?
Me: //HAHA NO DUH.// Yeah. Poor you, have to work.
Hazli: *smiles* It's okay really.
Me: Well, work hard! (:

Sarah kept teasing me afterwards haha. She said that I look different nowadays. Mahathir (our Brands supplier) said the same too. When he came to the store and noticed me, he seemed really distracted. Said I look all different without my glasses (I broke them OTL) and Evelyn had to call him twice to get his attention.

It makes me quite happy to know that I'm looking better (coz admit it dudes, I used to be all ugly duckling) but at the same time, it makes me feel sad. That people actually just looks at your exterior and not who you really are. Like me and Dawn like soooo didn't like Paul Twohill and when we saw him, we kinda made gagging faces. Until one day, she said, "What if he wasn't really like what he is on TV? Like that's just his media personality and he's a totally different, likeable person inside?". And that really got me thinking. The inside counts too.

I'm still trying to figure out my insides.

PS. SHANG'S BDAY CELEBRATION TMR. EXCITED DESU. AND AAAH I WANT TO GUSH ABOUT THE GUEST LIST BUT SARAH IS MAKING US SWEAR TO KEEP IT A SEKRIT. PLS REPLY BB.

Labels: friends, irl, musings

m.Mood: High
Listening to: Insomnia - Craig David

Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
I HAVE TO SLEEP SOON
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD:
GOT A BIT OF HEADACHE LOOOOOOOOOL
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
WHICH SIDE
SRSLY TELL ME I GOT ONE METHOD TO CURE IT
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
OKAY
RIGHT SIDE
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
OKAY
YOUR LEFT HAND RIGHT
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
YAR
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
YOU KNOW THAT SPACE IN BETWEEN YOUR THUMB AND INDEX FINGER?
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
YES....
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
MASSAGE THERE
SRSLY
THERE ARE NERVES CONNECTED AND SHIT
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
OKAY, HOW LIKE
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
BE CAREFUL THOUGH IT WOULD HURT
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
CIRCULAR?
RUB RUB?
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
PULL IT UP AND DOWN
AND RUB
........... FUCK
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
JUST S-SHUT UP
I HOPE YOU LAUGH THAT HEADACHE WORSE D:

Why issit that whenever Hazel and I talk, we end up getting incredibly high?

Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH
AUGHH
OTL
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
ARE YOU IN LABOUR


[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
TRYING TO BE CUTE
BUT FAILING
GAILING SO BAD
...... *FAILING


[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
COZ HE HAS A FRICKIN LARGE VOCAB,
AND THAT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO SOUND LIKE A EUPHEMISM FOR SOMETHING ELSE.
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
OH YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH SUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
5 YEARS LATER, I'LL BE ... STARTING ON MY MASTERS I THINK OTL
I DON'T WANNA DO MASTERSSSSSSSSSS TAT
[[Kowaii Uke-chan]] Hera.Tempesta says:
DO I HAVE TO CALL YOU MASTER HAZEL
BE THANKFUL YOUR NAME ISN'T BATE
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Bathos | Bicycle Blitzkrieg | says:
SJDHJHASDJHOQWIEIQWUE
HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA



Yeah. Incredibly high.

Edit: DAMN. I said the F-word today. D: ... Oh well, better luck tomorrow. (;

Labels: phail, random

Mood: Anxious

In a span of less than 12 hours, I feel like my life is fu- messed up. I'm trying to stop cursing. Trying.

These days, I've been hanging out with Wahwah a lot. Like I keep saying, I feel protective of her. She found it a bit difficult to do her work (her English isn't that good) so I offered to help her. For the past two days, we hung out together as I guided her through her CNP. Unbeknownst to me, it appeared as though I was abandoning/ignoring Dawn. And this is so not my intention. I mean, she wanted to hang out with Jive, JJ, Marie and though I am able to get along with them, I still feel like I would be intruding on their together time. Me being a lamp post and all. So that's why I thought it'd be fine to leave her alone with them. Plus, we get to see each other during lecture time, right?

However, after my last lecture, as I was going out of the theater, she came up to me and thrusted ten bucks into my hand. For the uninformed, she owed me $7 for a mag and some smokes last time so I had earlier asked if she could return it anytime soon coz I was getting dry on cash (bleddy fu- hell. my pay still isn't in.) It wasn't that I was demanding the money; I just wanted to remind her about it.

But anyways, she went like "Your boyfriend complained about me. Keep the change. It's for me using your phone." before storming off. She uses my phone to contact people a lot since her phone is unable to make calls and sometimes for smsing too when her prepaid is finished. I didn't really mind. Much. Anyways, it wasn't a big deal. I mean, I top up my card every month when I get my pay so what's a few calls and smses to me eh? Anyways, it was to help a friend so I definitely didn't care.

But anyways, she was really furious. How did I know? Why, she called me up while I was in the bus home to tell me about it. Saying how people are ignoring her because of this vicious rumour that she is a bad influence on me and how she takes advantage of me by using my phone all that. I told her that I didn't care about those rumours because they were untruths but she just ranted at me, saying it doesn't matter if I don't think so because other people out there believe it. And when I asked her how I can help her, she went all "I am just telling you this so that you'd be aware of things. It's not like I want you to do anything."

God, life is so messed up.

Labels: friends, irl, school

Mood: Melancholy
Listening to: Franz Ferdinand - Take me Out

I used to have a Sony Ericsson phone with a spoiled charger part. As such, I could never have uploaded the phone's contents (be it pictures or recordings) to my computer. I had to go through the long route - bluetooth to my brother's phone and then upload it via usb, bla bla. I had to do that up until yesterday. When I realised that my new phone (okay, it's a not-so-new new old phone - dad's hand-me-downs to me) could directly upload my pictures via usb.

Way to go, Haz! (:

... Okay, enough of me feeling stupid. I'm just gonna share some pictures here. Of new friends and old.


Me and Wahwah in our nurse uniforms! God, I am so buying a dress.

Wahwah is so cute right! I treat her as a younger sister. Though she's actually older. She's TWENTY. Gah, talk about aging gracefully. And here I have people asking me if I'm married. ;^;


Dawn, me and Adi!

Dawn is like... the ruthless, psycho bitch from hell. I mean, I can be bitchy sometimes but my bitchiness is more like me just being frank and blunt. She on the other hand, will attack you till your balls drop. If you take her words with a pinch of salt, it could all be treated as quite funny. Still, she's a good friend of mine. (:

Adi. Is like, super SUPER cute. She was the first friend ever I made in poly and I am so glad we're pals. And you know how I go around calling people terms of endearment (eg. sayang, babycakes, sweetums, sugar pie princess, etc)? She actually squirms in her seat and give this half-embarrassed, half-shy giggle and say it makes her ticklish. And then I'll scratch her head lightly where her fringe starts. Like a cat. OH GOD SHE IS JUST SO CUTE. And for someone who doesn't like to take photos (see my hand dragging her in?), she sure is photogenic. So cute!! :D


If you don't know who we are, you should be shot. Sarah, me and Shang!

We're like 3/4 of the Famiglia. Another one is frolicking in the sandy beaches of Australia, trying to get a new angmoh waifu. We've been friends for a couple of years and though we do sometimes find faults in one another, I can honestly say that they are the best friends that I will ever make in my life. And I treasure them lots and I miss them tons. Sometimes, I'll look around the poly thinking, "It'd be so awesome if they were here. We could be doing -insert random activity here-." It was saddening that we all went our separate ways but I'm glad that we even met in the first place. You all are that awesome.

... Okay. I'm gonna be late for class again. OTL

Labels: friends, picspam

Mood: Sad
Listening to: OMFG ANNOYING DRILLING SOUND - Convent Hall sitting area

To feel friendless is an awful feeling.

Once again, here I am in school with Wahwah at my number one fave spot - the benches outside the convention center. I really like this place. For some reason, there's often not many people here. And I guess it's the colors of this place. It's kinda cooling.. Green, blue, you know? Yeah.

Okay, I'm not making sense here. Feeling a little disoriented now.

If I had a supernatural ability, I wish that I can turn back time. I wanna turn back time to before Friday. I missed what I had with C and even though I'm not really sure I love him, I care for him very, very deeply and how we are like now hurts me. A lot.

I wished I can turn back time to before polytechnic. I missed my friends and I regretted working coz I missed out hanging out with everyone. All the small, stupid things we used to do together feels so valuable now. I missed how we're all like '"Eh after school don't want go home leh.', 'Okay, go Clarke Quay.', 'HELL YES'. I wished we can hang out again but some of you don't even want to associate yourself with me after what I've become so that's a no-go.

Oh god. I'm getting depressed. Better leave for class now. *sighs*

... My post are all emo.

Labels: emofag

Mood: Sleepy

It's funny that I have such a long contact list in my handphone but there's not many people I can talk to.


...Enough talking. I should be studying. And yes, it is 12.44AM now. Working doesn't give you much time to yourself.


*sighs*

Labels: emofag

Mood: Numb
Listening to: ... Nothing.

I'm currently in school now. And boy, sure feels weird to be updating here. /:

So I'm like right in front of the bookshop, using Wahwah's laptop (she is such a sweet girl really. makes me feel all protective over her~) and I have no idea what to do so I'm at my blog. Typing. Random stuff.

All of a sudden, I kinda missed the old Hazrina. The old Hazrina was a batshit crazy low-profile kinda girl. Now, people who I don't even know knows me. And it disturbs me. And frightens me. I feel conscious of every thing I do and though I act normal, I certainly feel that something is different.

I am a person who hates awkward situations. I'm hating now.

I wish I wasn't working coz that I'd have more freedom and no pressure to help people. I wish I wasn't so effing weak-willed and kind-hearted so people wouldn't take advantage of me. I wish I was more assertive so I actually do something about people taking advantage of me instead of just letting them be. I wish that I wasn't really what I am.

I feel sad.

Labels: irl, school