Mood: Anxious

In a span of less than 12 hours, I feel like my life is fu- messed up. I'm trying to stop cursing. Trying.

These days, I've been hanging out with Wahwah a lot. Like I keep saying, I feel protective of her. She found it a bit difficult to do her work (her English isn't that good) so I offered to help her. For the past two days, we hung out together as I guided her through her CNP. Unbeknownst to me, it appeared as though I was abandoning/ignoring Dawn. And this is so not my intention. I mean, she wanted to hang out with Jive, JJ, Marie and though I am able to get along with them, I still feel like I would be intruding on their together time. Me being a lamp post and all. So that's why I thought it'd be fine to leave her alone with them. Plus, we get to see each other during lecture time, right?

However, after my last lecture, as I was going out of the theater, she came up to me and thrusted ten bucks into my hand. For the uninformed, she owed me $7 for a mag and some smokes last time so I had earlier asked if she could return it anytime soon coz I was getting dry on cash (bleddy fu- hell. my pay still isn't in.) It wasn't that I was demanding the money; I just wanted to remind her about it.

But anyways, she went like "Your boyfriend complained about me. Keep the change. It's for me using your phone." before storming off. She uses my phone to contact people a lot since her phone is unable to make calls and sometimes for smsing too when her prepaid is finished. I didn't really mind. Much. Anyways, it wasn't a big deal. I mean, I top up my card every month when I get my pay so what's a few calls and smses to me eh? Anyways, it was to help a friend so I definitely didn't care.

But anyways, she was really furious. How did I know? Why, she called me up while I was in the bus home to tell me about it. Saying how people are ignoring her because of this vicious rumour that she is a bad influence on me and how she takes advantage of me by using my phone all that. I told her that I didn't care about those rumours because they were untruths but she just ranted at me, saying it doesn't matter if I don't think so because other people out there believe it. And when I asked her how I can help her, she went all "I am just telling you this so that you'd be aware of things. It's not like I want you to do anything."

God, life is so messed up.

Labels: friends, irl, school

Mood: Numb
Listening to: ... Nothing.

I'm currently in school now. And boy, sure feels weird to be updating here. /:

So I'm like right in front of the bookshop, using Wahwah's laptop (she is such a sweet girl really. makes me feel all protective over her~) and I have no idea what to do so I'm at my blog. Typing. Random stuff.

All of a sudden, I kinda missed the old Hazrina. The old Hazrina was a batshit crazy low-profile kinda girl. Now, people who I don't even know knows me. And it disturbs me. And frightens me. I feel conscious of every thing I do and though I act normal, I certainly feel that something is different.

I am a person who hates awkward situations. I'm hating now.

I wish I wasn't working coz that I'd have more freedom and no pressure to help people. I wish I wasn't so effing weak-willed and kind-hearted so people wouldn't take advantage of me. I wish I was more assertive so I actually do something about people taking advantage of me instead of just letting them be. I wish that I wasn't really what I am.

I feel sad.

Labels: irl, school

Mood: Disappointed
Listening to: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - Daft Punk

Someone needs to write a guide to what to do for your first day of school as an NP student. Like, wear clothes that won't show damp patches when wet. And wear comfortable shoes which are suited for mountain-climbing. Also, sneaking in snacks in class. And oh oh, how about this... GO FOR YOUR ORIENTATION?

My class has like mini-cliques already; it makes it a challenge to make friends. Sure, I made a friend already but as for the rest, we just talk as acquaintances. It's so depressing. You know what's even more depressing? That there's actually people going, "I'm in nursing because I have no choice."

It makes me angry somehow.

I have also signed myself up for the softball team and the drama sector of the Malay Cultural Club. Wao, ambitious much?


Three years. Oh god, this is torture.

Labels: blah, school

Mood: Exhausted
Listening to: Wesker rambling - My brother playing RE5

It's coming. IT'S COMING. You ask what and I'll tell you, sweetcheeks!

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

Mon dieu, I feel so utterly terrified. Paralysed with fear. The entire works, I tell ya. The whole "Will-I-make-friends-there" feeling coupled with the "Why-am-I-still-working" exhaustion. I feel absolutely certain that I will be completely miserable for the next 3 years.

To add to my insecurities, my dad has been being a tyrant and threatening me to throw me out of the house for just coming back half an hour late. Oh dieu.



Is there anyone going to NP? *hopeful*

Labels: do I have a tag for nervous breakdown, school, spazz

Mood: Nervous
Listening to: Electric Version - The New Pornographers

I don't really like my latest post to be all emo so here's an update, haha. Then don't do emo posts at all dammit! >0<

TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY. Oh god, what am I still doing drumming on Rockband.

WISH YOU GUYS ALL THE BEST.

Haha, I asked for an off day tomorrow so I can either partay the day away or cry like a loser in my room. Wise decision, y/y?

Labels: real life, school

Mood: FUCKIN' ELATED YEAH
Listening to: Original Prankster - The Offspring, Heats, Damaged Goods - Gang of Four, Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet, AND A TON OF OTHER SONGS. ROCK IT OUT DUDES.

O LEVELS OVER HELL YES.

Will blog again when I'm more coherent. (:

Good luck to you guys still sitting for your papers. Suckers. XD

Labels: school, so mature rly, YAY

Mood: Cheerful
Listening to: Top Of The Morning - Sunset Swish


Hey guys! Look look!

Oxidation -> gain of oxygen / loss of hydrogen
-> loss of electrons

Reduction -> loss of oxygen / gain of hydrogen
-> gain of electrons


Haz's (whacky) remembering method~!

When a relationship is over, you gain a feeling of 'over-ness' and experience a loss of happiness! You'll also experience a loss of energy to do anything!

When you're reunited with a loved one though, you lose that feeling of 'over-ness' and have a gain of happiness! You'll also gain energy to do anything the world throws at you!


... I love studying now! :D

Labels: lulz, random, school

Mood: Naughty
Listening to: Nageki no Mori - Ayane

PICS FROM GRADUATION DAY BWAHAHA.
ENJOY. (:


La famiglia. One of our more "normal" photos. XD


Our spot. WE CLAIM THIS TERRITORY YO! >D
I'm not in here because I was the shutter-crazy photog. XD


Warning: Prepare for unglam-ness? And crack? Also, foodplay. *bricked*



OH HO. WE ARE THAT LAME.



...Insanity at it's best. ;D


Unfortunately, insanity was not welcomed. D:


Everyone tried to kill me. DDD:


But after much BOLLYWOOD-STYLE persuasion from MAI HANI...


... ties were restored~! *PEACE* ^^v


HEART~! Who's that in the bushes....?


HUZZAH!!! 8DDD

After much crack at school, we trooped into Lot 1's Pizza Hut~! :D
WE SUPPORT THE REBELLION.


OMNOMNOM. BIG NOM. 8D


Me: EAT YOUR VEGGIES.
Sarah: IYAA~ DAME~!!

Well, our family mealtimes wouldn't be completed with crazy mealtime activity so we had a game of TRUTH OR DARE~! But then everyone started being a pussy choosing truth so I had to make a rule - the next turn after three consecutive truths MUST be a dare! This rule, however, came back to bite me in the butt. D:

I got dared to do something rather... unspeakable. However, it was really very embarrassing and it sort of unleashed my dark side. Everyone involved in making me do that dare had to carry out a specific dare given by yours truly. ;D

Hazel: Drink a glass of coke with pepper, paprika, cheese and pineapple bits in one gulp.


Yeah, you can tell it was foul from her expression. XD

Shang: Eat the remains of Hazel's drink.


Mmmm~ ;D

As sarah was the mastermind, she was given the most FOUL dare~ Nyehehe.... |D

Sarah: Swallow a spoonful of a layer of pepper, paprika, cheese, and another layer of pepper topped with two olives.



She started choking and coughing real bad. I would have felt pity, but I was being evil then. :P I'll spare her the embarrassment by not uploading a picture of her face twisted in agony. Aren't I nice? *smile*

There were more pictures but I'll spare you guys the loading time, haha. With this last picture, I bid you adieu~!


End~! :D


Edit: This may very well be the last post until O Levels are over. SAVOR IT. D:

Labels: crack, lulz, picspam, school

Labels: irl, lulz, lyrics, school

Mood: Quixotic
Listening to: Medaka Ga Miti Niji - Kozue Takada

Medaka Ga Miti Niji - Ookiku Furikabutte ED
English translation

I wonder what I should do
to be happy.
I wanted to change the suffering present
but the answer wouldn't come,
and I had nowhere to go,
so I looked up at the blue sky.
I like myself
and I hate myself.
Just gonna step forward;
I can change myself.
I clench my fist tightly
and - like this - I move forward
and become just a bit better.
That small happiness will come one day,
so I can laugh now, right?
I am neither strong nor kind,
and even as my feet continue to shake
I will believe, a little,
that a rainbow will be painted in the sky.

Lovely. This song. Incredibly moving. Q__Q
__________________

That aside, I had the most loveliest of mornings today~ *hearts*

I was on my way to school when it started drizzling. Me being the lazy bum that I am, walked in the rain. My umbrella was buried deep within my bag and there was a cut in it too (why do I even continue to keep it?); taking it out was a bit meaningless. Besides, stopping and rummaging through my bag will get me and (more importantly) my ds wet so I just endured the light shower. I was waiting for a road to clear for me to cross when all of a sudden, this bpian guy behind me offered to share his umbrella.

That's right.

CHIVALRY DOES EXIST!

Of course, I accepted. We made little small talk; I found out he was from 3M1. I'm two years older and he's taller. DAMN. All you juniors make me feel short. D: (Sarah was wtf-ing at me knowing his class but not his name. Excuse me dear, I don't go around memorising people's nametags. XD) Overall, he seemed like a pretty nice guy. I'm kinda smitten. SHH.

Haha, I like my mood theme. XD


Edit: New header image~! :D It's Koizora~! Yes, I cried at this movie too. Stfu plox.

Labels: irl, oofuri, school

Mood: Rushed. Overwhelmed. Busy. Auuugh.
(Still) Listening to: Dramatic - Base Ball Bear

Haha, I'm so stressed. (:

List of things to be done:
- HMT (Compo/PaperII/Compre)
- Biology (Set worksheet)
- Mathematics (North Vista PaperII)
- Madrasah SIX-PAGE Essay --> TO BE HANDED IT IN 2 DAYS TIME GASFASDFAS

Someone, just kill me already. D:
____________________

MASSIVE PICSPAM BWAHAHAHA


Found this (really blurry, haha) picture of me and guenyik at last year's EOY.
... Initially, I was filled with this warm fuzzy feeling when looking at this photo.
Now, I just feel like headesk-ing myself thinking about the progress of this year's EOY.
*stress*


TEEHEEHEE.
Obligatory pic spam of my new Reborn merchandise.
...*fangirls*


I couldn't believe the price. It's cheaper than the other doujins I got. o_o
*dies thinking of the 8059BOX*
Doujins are like pringles; once you pop, you just can't stop! XD


DERA-CHAN. I FEEL YOUR PAIN. JUST LOOKING LIKE THAT. D:


Me being retarded at the zoo, haha.
Picture taken last year. Last year retarded, this year STILL retarded. XD


Oda joins me in my "retardation", lol. :P

END OF PICSPAM

Edit: This post holds the record for the longest tag list ever. XD

Labels: 8059, Cosplay, doujinshi, EOY, lulz, rant, school

Mood: Nostalgic
Listening to: Haru Haru - Big Bang

Em gee! I found our sec1 pictures while clearing the comp, haha.
I'd like to share the nice memories. :D

WARNING: IMAGE HEAVY POST. Brain damage from crack pictures.


A normal day at class 102...


...with the normally wacky students, haha.


Flying hiiiigh~~~ On drugs. Teehee. Who's that in the bg? XDDD


Ezzati is camera-shy...


... while these two are not.


And so am I! Oh god, my hair was fugly.


Bored of camwhoring taking artistic pictures,
the students rebel against their captivity and yearn to go to the outside world.

Macam real.

Finally they were free~! (Read: Excursion)

Us being crazy. So crazy that we couldn't take the picture properly. XDDD


Morning stretching exercises.


Az, giving a model pose, while fellow photographers tried to capture the moment.


Bpian Next Top Model. Posing for Covergirl. XDDD


Advertising Sprite and Nike. XD


One more picture! One more! Please??


Sadly, there's no more. *emos*


Hope you enjoyed the pictures! XD

Labels: picspam, school

Mood: Depressed
Listening to: Bust a Groove 2 OST - The Heat is On

Well, I didn't have school today so I slept in. Had the most WEIRDEST dream though. I dreamt that Ms Rashidah asked me how I was doing for the current exams while I was waiting for some friends by the e-fingerprint system.

... That nightmare dream scared me shitless. Pure realistic.

Made me realise the seriousness of the prelims though... A bit too late for that I suppose. *bitter laugh*

PATHETIC EMOFAG RANT BELOW - HIGHLIGHT AT YOUR OWN RISK

Just yesterday, one of the few horrifying things that could happen to any student happened to me: My calculator died at the start of the Maths exam.

I felt so terrified and helpless; I kept jabbing at the reset button in despair. At last, I made it through the paper without one. It was so dispiriting that I almost gave up on the paper but I forced myself to do it. It was a half-hearted attempt though.

As soon as the teacher collected the papers, I cried. There wasn't any dramatic wailing, banging of fists on tables or even uncontrollable sobbing; the tears just streamed down my cheeks quietly. I turned my head to look out of the class to avoid people looking (thank god for small favours like a window-seat).

Didn't even felt like going down for recess because I knew that the paper would be what everyone would be talking about. And if I seemed depressed and told you all to can the talk about the paper, you guys would just assume that I didn't manage to do the paper due to lack of knowledge, not a calculator (cruel but sorry, it's trufax). So I just stayed in class. Xi Ying came over and asked me what's wrong. I told her (I even managed to laugh through my tears) and you know what she did?

She hugged me and encouraged me to try harder next time.

And I realised that what I wanted most then was a friend by my side. To pat me or give me a comforting hug and tell me that it's okay even when it's not. I know it's unreasonable of me - specially since everyone else was worrying about how they did for their own papers - but I couldn't help it. I needed someone then. Anyone.

I know that I act strong and confident in front of everyone. It's very believable (or so I'd like to think) and I believe it as well because I want to. But an act is an act; the play can't go on forever. But if my act stops, it makes people uncomfortable so I keep it up.

I'm tired. Very tired.

So, thank you Xi Ying, for being there. And Mirul too for putting up with my out-of-the-blue sms rants. :D

Labels: irl, school